October 29, 2014

Beading to Heal

Hello Beyond Buckskin readers! I'm so sorry that I've been gone - a lot has happened in the past couple of months that have kept me away from doing my Beyond Buckskin stuff. I was dealing with a lot of medical issues, but I was doing all that I could to recover and keep Beyond Buckskin afloat! I'm coming out of it, I think, and playing catch up, and... catching up!

I'm incredibly apprehensive about this, but I wanted to share a little bit about my healing process.

My doctor had to do a procedure, which was very difficult for me - very depressing, very hard to wrap my mind around, and it's still something that I struggle with. My physically body hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I know that everything happens for a reason and it all works out in the end, but sometimes things are just still very difficult to understand and overcome.

After the procedure, depression set in, and it's still with me.

One night, I just started beading. I busted out my beads - my fancy delica beads! They are my favorite; they are so pretty. I bought them over a year ago, and I did a couple of tiny projects but nothing really... I don't know if you've ever bought beads and just thought they were so pretty that you didn't have a project idea that was worthy of using them... that's where I was, and the beads sat there until recently, when I busted them out and started making these small turtles.

Actually it was just one turtle, it started with one turtle in blue. Turtles represent female energy and blue represents male energy. Even though I personally am not a big blue fan, the blue colors just looked so appealing to me and that's what I decided to go with. I made the first turtle for myself and the second turtle went to my significant other, who was so caring and amazing throughout this whole thing - the rock when I fell, the listener when I zoned out.

And then, during all this, we found out that my Antie - a woman who helped my mom to raise me - was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. So the third turtle went to her. And even though I had finished these three turtles, they kept coming. I just kept beading, I couldn't stop, it was almost like a compulsion. To me, this meant that there were more people out there who have overcome hardships, or who are needing healing now, or who are deserving of recognition of their kindness and strength. I just couldn't stop beading, and I'm still beading right now. Actually I'm recording this post on my cell phone as I'm beading.

Beading is what helps me right now: the rhythm of it helps me, the act of being creative, the act of creating beauty helps me. I will heal and I will be better. There is beauty in the process of healing. It is part of life and a part of living. And the turtles keep coming; I don't know when they'll stop, but if you want view the collection, you can do that at this link. Each is unique and very special.

I want to thank you all for continuing to support Beyond Buckskin, I've tried to keep it afloat as best as I could with everything going on because I do owe it to the artists and designers who I work with, who I respect and look up to. To me, the beauty that they create is extraordinary. Hopefully you'll hear more from me now that this initial post has been put out there and hopefully I'll get to write more! Thank you guys again!

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